Wait. I despise that word. It goes against my very nature to "wait." I've always been on the go, pursuing dreams, busy, busy, busy. I've always been the one to make things happen, push forward against the odds, and work hard for results.
And that is where God finds me in my weakness and says, "wait."
What? No! I don't want to wait. I want results. I want to see the future. I want to plan. I NEED to plan, Lord.
I think the one thing that I struggle most with in my relationship with God is the concept of waiting. I can have faith that He will move mountains, work miracles in my family and friends' lives, that He can do ANYTHING. But somehow, when it comes to waiting on His timing in my own life, it becomes my weak point. All the old hurts and fears and disappointments come welling to the surface, and the doubt starts to surface in my oh-so-practical, let's make a plan-kind of brain. And it's in those moments when all those feelings surface, when the fear wells up inside of me, that God tells me once again to stop. Wait. And in that silence, that moment of stopping- when I just listen for a moment, with my hurt and wounds and fear all exposed- that something beautiful happens. Like one of my favorite songs by Plumb goes, I "exhale, breathe in His grace, and exhale."
Does this sound familiar to anyone else? I want to encourage myself and all of you who find this a difficult concept to grasp, to just be still. Take a moment of silence. Let your fears become raw and exposed. Wait. And watch Him work. You know what I'm learning? He may not work in the way you're praying about. He may not work in the way you thought. He may actually be working on YOU. I pray for Him to change my circumstances, but what if He's actually changing ME in those circumstances?
"Just let go, let His love wrap around you, hold you close, get lose in the surrender, breathe it in until your heart breaks, and exhale! -Plumb (from the song Exhale)